How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
