Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
i believe in u and ur pee
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
