I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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