drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
