Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
