i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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