I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
