I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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