i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
