You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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