I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You're a waste of cheezeits
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
