when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
We need to rekindle our bromance
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
