I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
