Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
