that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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