one might say we're banned from that church
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
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I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
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Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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