apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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