Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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