im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
