I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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