I got chris browned last night
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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