Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Farmville is her only friend.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize