so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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