I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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