Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
It's shark week go big or go home
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
