I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
