he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
