bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
