Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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