We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
