If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
