imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
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