when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
