after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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