I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
