Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I can't put those talents on a resume
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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