I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
