The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
