On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
