I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
