dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
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