Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
