I'll bet she douches with gravy.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
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