Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
