Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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