I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
