Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
