he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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