ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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