Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize