I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
