I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
