4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
