Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
