I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize