Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
