i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
