Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
