I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
