1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
