I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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