1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I need help removing her.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
