Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
