They should really pass out barf bags in church
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
do nipples grow back?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
