Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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