I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
