Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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