fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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