Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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