It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Randomize
