I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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