Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
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