my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
