turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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