Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
