I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
